lostinks
04-07-2006, 06:16 PM
>
> 1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
> bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
> section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly)
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
> Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the
> Tennessee Titans?
>
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from
>
> diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 5. There are three religious truths:
> a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
> b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
> faith.
> c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
>
>
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
> Holland called Holes?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~! *~*~*~*
>
> 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
> bread to begin with?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
> drives a racecar is not called a racist?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 12 If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
> that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
> models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
> more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for
> their final exam.
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
> and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
> are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
> pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they
> deliver the mail?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 19 If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
> the others here for?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
>
>
>
> As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two
> words "The" and "IRS" together it spells
> "THEIRS"?
> 1. Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little
> bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 2. Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing
> section in a swimming pool? (My sentiments exactly)
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 3. OK.... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
> Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the
> Tennessee Titans?
>
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 4. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from
>
> diarrhea...does that mean that one enjoys it?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 5. There are three religious truths:
> a. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
> b. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christian
> faith.
> c. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
>
>
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 6. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
> Holland called Holes?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 7. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 8. If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~! *~*~*~*
>
> 9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
> bread to begin with?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 10. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who
> drives a racecar is not called a racist?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 11. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 12 If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow
> that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,
> models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 13. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 14. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 15. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 16. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
> more as they get older; then it dawned on me .....they're cramming for
> their final exam.
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 17. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons
> and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? toothpicks?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 18. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
> are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
> pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them while they
> deliver the mail?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 19 If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
> the others here for?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 20. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 21. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 22. If a cow laughed, would milk come out of her nose?
>
> *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
>
> 23. Whatever happened to Preparations A through G?
>
>
>
> As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two
> words "The" and "IRS" together it spells
> "THEIRS"?